I’m not sure what brought it on, but I was ‘over the rainbow’ last night… I had such a beautiful dream. I’m still crying though. I woke up feeling like mom visited me last night.

Above is a photo taken off my porch of the awesome rainbow that I captured yesterday at almost exactly 5 pm. Believe it or not, it was raining big drops but the sun was shining in the opposite part of the sky, bringing on one of the clearest and strongest rainbow I’ve ever seen. I took a photo with my cell phone, but it doesn’t do it–or the strange lighting of the property under sun and dark clouds, but I knew it wouldn’t last long enough for me to get my good camera.

Well, went to sleep last night as usual. I had made a snarky meme yesterday using the Wicked Witch of the West and I don’t know… maybe the combination? But I had a wonderful dream that I can only describe as having been ‘over the rainbow’ for a short time.

We were on vacation and it was at the beach. The kids were young. It was almost exactly one of our vacations at Outer Banks in the early 2000’s. Mom and dad were with us and I was wishing that the vacation would never end. Watching the sun set on the water.

Then Mom and I making dinner, watching the kids out of the window–but the window was her house in New York and the children were playing in her tulip patch (one that I took their photos in every spring at Mother’s Day). The girls were so adorable and so happy… it was all before the ‘mean girls’ and junior high/school drama… college angst and career worries. Days when they could just be kids and happy on an endless summer day with perfect weather and everyone who loved them there with them.

Then we were packing and I was sad to leave. But we were packing our home in Connecticut at we lived in a long time ago (the early ’90s). We had a flight in a few hours and I knew we’d never get everything packed. Mom was sitting down–which confused me. She told me not to worry, I could only take what I could carry–I couldn’t take everything and I shouldn’t even try. Just take what I needed and get going.

I asked her why she wasn’t packing and she said, “I can’t come with you” and I started to cry–I wanted to know why. She just smiled and said I had to keep moving, there wasn’t time. I knew she was right and every drawer I opened, there was something I could use on the journey… fully cooked meals in bags (like steak, LOL) and of course fresh fruit. Mom was just sitting there smiling, I knew she had put that together for me.

That was so like her–we used to make fun of her that when she and dad came to visit, they brought food (meats, cheese, fresh fruit) because they obviously didn’t sell food where we lived…

Then we were at the airport, my brother-in-law and his wife were there… we had all our things and it was time to say good-bye to mom. The Cowardly lion was singing ‘if I only had a brain’ somewhere at the airport and I heard a voice say “Now I know I have a heart, because it’s breaking.”

Then I woke up I was still crying, and that stupid “If I only had a brain” song in my head. Weird, I know but I had my annual brain/c-spine MRI yesterday w/wo contrast and it makes for a long uncomfortable MRI and I forgot my valium.

I had to go downstairs and cry–yeah, a big ugly cry. I didn’t want to wake Tony up but I wanted to share it with him, I ended up waiting until I was done crying and went back to sleep. I feel like I was able to go back in time for a short while and re-live some happy memories. So I shouldn’t be sad, I should be happy… right?

But it’s after 8 and I need to start work… and I’m still in tears. Oh, if I only had a brain (but I’ll settle for a clean brain scan…).