I can’t believe that I haven’t posted since March. Oh well.
I can’t seem to commit to a diet and am way too tired to exercise. I absolutely hate the way I look but lack any energy to do anything about it.
I saw an article on parenting girls that I wish I had seen years ago (here). I pretty much centered on acceptance of yourself and how you look because a mother’s body image issues affect young impressionable girls.
I see my eldest struggle with her body image issues and weight and wonder how much of her issues are my fault (not to mention my husband is a ‘you’re not trying hard enough‘ type). I see my middle two girls, that I think are too thin, and wonder if they are eating right or secretly starving themselves (because I know I did at their age). My eldest doesn’t believe me when I say I think she’s beautiful–and why should she? I judge myself harshly, but I don’t feel that way about others. How do I let her know it is a ‘me’ thing? She is on medication that is known to have the side affect of gaining weight… and she was never heavy before.
I had always been thin–not in good shape, mind you. But I was underweight in fact, for most of my early adult life and my family had impressed on us that thin = pretty. It didn’t matter that pretty much had an eating disorder… I was thin, I felt pretty. Women would say ‘I hate you, you’re so thin!‘ This was a good thing.
I was thin even after all the kids–well, I was about 135-145 (no more 115 lbs.) and was a size 6. I held that until my youngest turned 3–and I turned 39. Now at almost 49, I am almost 50 lbs. more and tired, I’m too disgusted to go anywhere because I hate the way I look.
I know that an attitude change is needed on my part. I know wonderful and fun women who love themselves and don’t stress their weight. I need to accept myself more and have fun with it. But I do miss the days when I was hated for my thinness.
I am afraid of my future as someone overweight. I’m afraid of my future with MS and that I need to get in the best shape I can now… change my diet and incorporate exercise so I’m less of a burden in 10-15 years if it progresses.
WHAT CAN I DO to motivate myself again?!!!
