The CIA has three candidates for an assassin position: two men and a woman.

On the final day of testing, the CIA proctor leads the first man to a large steel door and hands him a gun. “We must know that you will follow our instructions, regardless of the circumstances,” he explains. “Inside this room, you will find (more…)

I'm so far behind, I thought I was in first place...

Yep. Nothing will ruin your Friday like realizing it's only Tuesday.

So I’m in Walmart and I look over I see a little girl sitting in the shopping cart. She’s watching me as I look through the candy.

So me, being me, wave at her and she FOR REAL gave me the finger!!! So again, me being me, I walked over and (more…)

I have enough money to live comfortably for the rest of my life... as long as I die by next Tuesday. Yeah, no luck. Back to work!

  Yeah, Facebook is officially killing me with memories of vacations past... oooo... remember when... two years ago today--look!--you were on a bus going to the beach in Sicily... but…

Apparently today is "National Drink Wine Day," or as I like to call it, "Wednesday."

"Some days you just have to put on the hat... and remind them who they are dealing with..."

Thank God it's Friday... or as I like to refer to it: "Day 5 of the Hostage Situation"

If insanity is doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results, then I guess I'll just stop cleaning the house...

heh, heh...