My husband and I were dressed and ready to go out for a lovely evening of dinner and theater.
Having been burgled in the past, we turned on a ‘night light’ and the answering machine, then put the cat in the backyard.
When our cab arrived, we walked out our front door and our rather tubby cat scooted between our legs and ran inside. Because our cat likes to chase our parakeet we really didn’t want to leave them unchaperoned so my husband ran inside to retrieve her and put her in the back yard again.
Because I didn’t want the taxi driver to know our house was going to be empty all evening, I explained to him that my husband would be out momentarily as he was just bidding goodnight to my mother.
A few minutes later he got into the cab all hot and bothered, and said (to my growing horror and amusement) as the cab pulled away:
“Sorry it took so long but the stupid bitch was hiding under the bed and I had to poke her ass with a coat hanger to get her to come out!
She tried to take off so I grabbed her by the neck and wrapped her in a blanket so she wouldn’t scratch me like she did last time. But it worked! I hauled her fat ass down the stairs and threw her into the backyard….she had better not sh*t in the vegetable garden again.”
The silence in the taxi was deafening.
Yeah, so okay, had you going for awhile, right?